Princess Blondie (princessblondie) wrote,
Princess Blondie

My last day...

I've had more than 8 months to prepare myself for today, and yet I feel like it's not really happening.

I tend to get that feeling when I travel.  Usually when I'm boarding the plane, and I just can't see myself arriving & enjoying a week or however long wherever it is that I'm going.  Then I sit quietly in my seat, and secretly wonder if the plane is going to crash, and that my inability to see myself arriving is a premonition.

The plane isn't crashing.  Life will go on.  Work will manage.  I too will adjust.

I can't believe how much my life is about to change...

Easter weekend...  my (maybe) year-long Long Weekend.  Crazy.

I couldn't sleep last night.  I tossed & turned on the couch all night.  That's been happening a lot lately (the tossing & turning... it's actually only the second time I've spent the night on the couch).  I've been getting really jittery, no matter how tired I am.  Like, creepy crawly.  My feet get really hot, and I feel like little bugs are biting me.  I've been a lotion-nazi, because I'm so paranoid about stretch marks, so I don't know if it's dry skin, or hormones, or what.  *ever gone tanning & over-done it a little?  And you get the 'itches'.  Kinda like that, but pregnant, and NOT tanned.  LOL.

I was at work around 7am.  I figured, being my last day, better to start early & finish on time, than to stay late.  I'm SO terrible with goodbyes.  I actually thought about calling in today, and not coming in for the sake of not having to say goodbye to everyone.  :(

 I keep coming back to the worry of not knowing where my job will be in a year from now, who will still be with the company, how I'll feel about coming back, etc. and letting it really bum me out.  

This has to be normal...

I have to just focus on me now.  The baby.  Our family becoming official, finally, after such a long wait and effort.

Carmella is going to have to do some major adjusting, but she's going to be a wonderful big/little sister.  Dog or not, that animal is my child.  If only you guys could see how sweet & attentive she's been these last months.  Anywhere I sit or lay down, she is right there with me, in some nook or cranny against me.  She knows something is very much "up" with me, and I'm not sure if she understands that I'm pregnant.  She knows I'm limited.  She comes to me a lot easier, rather than making me come to her like she used to.  When I have a bath or shower, she's laying on one of the mats in the bathroom.  If I go upstairs for anything, she's right behind me.  I sit often in the baby's room, in my glider (which I SO love) and I've gotten Carmella accustomed to laying on my legs, rather than in my lap, so that I'll be able to breast feed the baby, or just hold the baby, and Carmella can be there with us too.

My God, I keep looking around my desk, and it still doesn't feel real.  Today is taking way too long to get itself over with...

I'm going to have to take a proper hour long lunch to make the day go by faster.

I've already typed up my "goodbye" email, which I won't send out until closer to 5pm.  The last thing I want is for people to start saying goodbye to me, and making me cry.  I'm really not in the mood to cry today.  Not here anyway.  Maybe on my way home, or when I get home.

I CAN'T WAIT TO WEAR PAJAMA'S EVERY DAY.  No more trying to look nice while HUGE for work :)

I have 20 days, all for me....   I have a list started, of things I'd like to accomplish before the baby comes.

Ugh.  OK.  I gotta go for a bit.  I'm making myself anxious again.

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